Guinness.

I drive along this island that seems to be the edge of the world and realize the sun hasn't even crested the mountain.top .There is so much expansiveness right along my side; the whole world it seems like.

How many times have I been here? Freedom in :My Face. It seems anything is possible; almost to the point where I've become paranoid. I think it and it is so. I say it and it happens, ten fold. Just last night I was talking about how I wanted to stay here and this morning I get that message asking me to; the message sent when I was talking about it, too.

I think of the people in my life that I never got to connect with the way I wanted to. How often I've held my self back out of respect and, it seems, the only result is a life that leaves me lonely and contemplative. But I think of all the things I've avoided. The lack of violence and betrayal because I was kind and loyal. I suppose it all works out in the end; I forget the game isn't over yet.

I think of how many people talk down to me. My entire life. Still. Like I don't know. Like I haven't a clue. Like I'm just floating, carelessly, like so many of you.

The repercussions of our actions fall on the few who take the time to dwell on them. Few Do. Dwell. And, Well... Maybe That's Good.

The source of beauty is a painful process. It takes digging and digging below the surface. It takes fearlessness as we dance along the edge's that so few experience. This depth; This expansiveness; This light that hasn't even appeared Yet. So few even notice it.

And I guess That's :My Poet.


xo

Bailey's & Guinness

I think of all the way I distract my self from the loneliness that lies in my chest. Thirty Years. Soon it will be thirty years of feeling, mainly, a disconnect. I think how, growing up, I never related to my peers and the complications that came from spending time with people that preceded me by so many years. I think of every person I have connected with and how almost every single one is gone now. I think, I write, because this was the only way to get what I actually felt out.

How often no one has listened.
How often no one has been there even when I am.

I think, "it's so easy to be distracted,"
but I'm tired of living life like this.


I'm like a pristine beach that everyone trashes.


Thankfully, the tide rises.
again and again and again

Fry Days

It's actually Tuesday. A month ago yesterday I found my self landing in Hawai'i. After Maui. For some reason I was sure I wasn't gonna make that flight. I've been walking around, this last year, with death ever present. It hasn't been me. Thankfully. I'm in no way ready to go yet.

The new moon was yesterday/last night. This is how I live my life. By the Lunar Cycle. I am A Gardener. I aim to be one with Soil. I give thanks as I eat what these plants that I love provide. Full Moon is Harvest. A time for the celebration of the fruit of your labor. The New Moon is for planting. A time of work and preparedness. I like to ride the momentum of these natural cycles that influence us on every level. That's just the tip of the iceberg that is massive underneath this surface...

About three weeks ago I gave myself a Mohawk. A very short one. It was the second cutting of hair that I loved. Before that I had dreadlocks. Before the first cutting that is. I loved them but their momentum was more than I was equipped to deal with. Perhaps on the second round tho... And this is how life goes. We learn from each experience that will repeat it's self and we can either grow, with each cycle, or give up. Life will play it's self out whether we choose to be involved. But, if we're engaged, the result will be worthwhile.

It's hard to remain engaged in this day and age. Truthfully, everything about our modern life and economy is meant to keep us distracted. We are powerful beings full of wisdom and light. If we accept this, if we express this, we can not be manipulated. And that's what our society is built on. Manipulation. How hard can I work you before you pass out? How much can I charge you before you will go somewhere else? How long can I subject you to the same information before you know nothing else? This is the process. Of our Work. Of our 'Education'. And people wonder why they come home with headaches feeling exhausted and worthless...

Every human is an enterprise. Each and every one of us has the skill set necessary for success. We are tricked when we focus deliberately on survival (altho, trust me, those instincts have definitely saved my ass also). But, as adults, as intelligent thinking adults, we can do anything we want and, most of the time, we'd be successful.

We are encouraged to be a product, not an individual. We are a number and a tax bracket and a mouth that is addicted to McDonald's. And that's all... unless you choose to omit your self from that system. You have to step, consciously, over that line that is drawn to divide us. On the other side is Free Enterprise. You either have it or You Don't.

so, which is it?


xo

Nine and Twenty

I have a Mo.Hawk. I never thought I'd say that. Feels kinda the same as when I had dreads... Another defiance.. Nose Pierced would be in this same category. I dyed my hair red, with Kool-Aid and Red Number Forty. It stained for two days. Maybe there's a little tint left... Why do I do this? These actions that, to some, are puzzling while, to others, they give inspiration and a sense of connectedness. I don't know how to explain it. I Channel. Energy. I feel the presence of things that are intangible to most people. I am a healer. I harmonize these energies through my awareness and my action. I mourn loss and I appreciate beauty. I strive to find a balance in all things that are living. I recycle what is dead. In many practical ways I am Buddhist.

At the moment Hawai'i, the main island, is where I call Home. Although my kitties are on another continent this is Where I Grow. Life Has BeCome Instantaneous. All I Have is Here and Now. The magic exists around me as I see the world arise from my dreams. Every Thing I have aimed for is actualizing Around Me. It just takes time, and focus, and then You're There. And, Holy Shit, It's Incredible to Realize Your Power. I Swear.

There are Specifics. So Many Specifics. Facts and Details and Knowledge and Lessons. So Many Lessons That Will Keep Repeating Until You Realize Them. So, Wizen Up. Listen. Pay Attention. The Second You Choose To Be An Active Part Of Your Life Every Thing Will Change Before You. First, Your Perspective. Then, Your Relationships. Then, Your Work. Then, Your Home. Be Ready. This Is The Moment You've All Ways Waited For. You Created This. Here and Now. Own It. Cherish It. Use It.

You Have Nothing Else.



x o

I empower because I am power.

Meagan Ishtar


I am judged every where I go. With every thing that I do. I... am used to it. It's been this way my entire life. When I was a child I looked and acted too old. As an adult I am regularly ridiculed for behaving too young and condemned for appearing as so. It is painful and the reason I have retreated to this mountain that I am so thankful to currently call home.

Life was Hell. All Ways. Pure and Simple. My joy comes from the happiness of my survival. Every day I am thank full. As I open my eyes. As I take my first few conscious breaths. As I feel my body and all the aches and pains that are now the only proof of all I have experienced. No One believes Me. My Life. How.. How could a child smile after all that has happened? How? But I feel it. Every Day. In my joints and In my bones. I see it in the break down of my skin and my teeth and my eyes. Things no one could notice other wise.

And so I cry. In silence. On the mountain.


xo

October's Seventh Heart

I guess there are two ways to look at things. One is to keep Truth on the down low and the other is to spread Truth out loud. I am the later and I have struggled my whole life in an existence that is the former. Now, even to you love.

There are two ways to look at things but it's better to be the path between for we are more than just how we see things.

I think of how many people have judged Me. Almost every single one. I think how absurd life is, really, for I too judge. But at least I choose to focus on the potential and to come from a place of nurturing.

I think of how cruel is every body. So much violence. So many saying mean things. Even me. Some times. Especially when it's necessary. See : Me. Judging.

I think : what happened to humanity? Have we always been lost? For I have only seen glimpses before. A promise of a better tomorrow that never comes.

I think we're hive-minded and we simply bounce off one another. Life is instantaneous. We are presence. Trapped in the mundane we never actualize our potential. I have known this. I live outside this. I am a rebel. To Some, an outlaw. To most an out-cast who never fit normal. Friendless. Family less. Free Blessed. It's a dichotomy, balanced, at best.

Cancer, Sag and Libra. Pearl and Irish and God dess. So many labels. Daughter and Single and Female and :White. Can't forget : White. That safe Neutral that tries to never bleed. But takes, easily, from every body. Know : He is Not Me. I am :She. A different entity. Thankfully

---

xo

Marches April Nes

I think of all the steps I have taken from you, love, out of fear. How often I have been here, on the path, to : choose. You or Not You. That's all we have here.

By you I mean me, obviously. Because, My Life... it depends on me breathing, me being. There is no : other wise.

I think of all the people I've been. All the lessons I've learned. Partners. Homes. Pets. The promise of children that become a threat. Sercurity. Illusion. Delusion. I can easily say I've experienced all of it.

But not this.. A consistency that is not consistent. Bliss in the Abyss. I used to predict every thing. Scheduled. Organized. I was prepared from Monday through Sun day. I had money. I was "success full." Stable. But there were cracks in that as well.

I was always on edge. Unable to handle the little things that would inevitably happen. There was no way I could control all of it or any of it and the idea I could... that was an illusion I had to let go of or else I literally would have killed my self.

Life is Transcience. That natural flow from one to the other. We see it's movement most easily through water. We are water and these fluctuations in life, we must allow them to flow over us, one at a time. We have to find a way to remain at our center through the detriments of both heart ache and time or else we will find our selves suffocating down the line. To attach is to hold your self in one place, often, one pain... and no one deserves this.

Last night I listened to planes. Giants. In The Sky. So loud and penetrating it was hard to control my mind. That is the world today. Constant distraction. Taking you from that center of gravity that keeps you constant and focused. Unwavering. That is what you must be in the force of things that are hundreds of times greater than you. And, not force fully, not detrimentally, but, gently, like a flower that slowly starts to bloom. Opening towards the ray that was all ways meant to nurture you.

Hold Fast. Allow the light to shine upon you. Allow the dark to fall beside you. And, with time, you will find:

You've Opened Up.

Meagan Ishtar