On this day, the 29th of October, I find my self at another cross roads, the truth of which seems to occur almost repeatedly these days. The choices between destiny and fate mirror themselves into oblivion and I catch my self falling between the pages. I have run from structure in an attempt to carve my own way but can not help but realize the synchronicity I fall in to the more I wander aimlessly. Every where I go the whisper of a perpetual cycle follows me.. no matter how fast or far I seem to run from it.
So now I exist here, in this.. blankness. Who I am changes from moment to moment because I have no attachment, No Thing to keep me steady... In this life it is the schedule that keeps us persistant. The regularly meeting with those who have known us, the restraint of a work schedule, the home ties to one specific place. These actualities keep us from creatively realizing our potential in every second. We are not free to explore our thoughts nor implement our actualizations. We must return, all ways, to some one or some thing at some time. Thus causing us to do no thing but repeat what we've done already.
So, this year, I have forced my self out of this cycle. I have walked away from every tie that has kept me steady and severed every link that would keep my daily schedule consistent. I never know where I will be or who I will be with for any given period of time. I never know who I will be or where I will be either, for that matter... To me, in some ways, this seems psychotic. In fact, in sharing these facts I expected to meet a lot of resistance but people find it refreshing to hear the stories of my days. It seems that every one lusts for this same freedom..
There are things I never know, many things in fact. Simple things even, like where I might wash my hair and go to the bath room. But, I always seem to find a way. In fact, all of my needs have been met spectacularly.. Every where I go I seem to meet a friendly person who can help me along my way. I'd say that's been the best bit..
Of course my intention is pure and I think that's a huge part of it. Every where I go I keep a smile on my face. I genuinely greet any person who looks or comes my way which has also been pleasantly welcomed. Aside from that I've also committed to being one hundred percent authentically My Self. I dress and look exactly how I feel and am honest about my thoughts and intentions. Another welcomed breath of fresh air I've been told to believe.
It's been fortunate, this exploration, however trying it is at times.. But I know that the only way I can truly live and be the way I want to is to have completely freed my self from all that I was formerly...
And so I have.
And so I have.
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