middle ground

the wind shakes and the rain pours down upon me and my steel cage. another cold night alone in my car, paused between the stops along this free way, it's called. i drive the distance but still i feel the presence of every one i've met and every place i've gone. alone, yes, but, not...

i never sleep for more than an hour. or, at least, it's rare for me. so easily i slip in and out of consciousness. a constant dialogue this life is with my self.

i could find meaning in every thing, if i looked for it. or i could deem it meaningless, if i wanted it. so i skate between the two of them and carve me out of the ruin of it.

what am i comfortable with?
anal? facials? DP?
cream pies and corporate ties..
what about birth control?

No.
That's where i draw the line.
ironic...

definitely recommended in this business. there are a lot of options. pills. shots. rings.
i KNOW. i've tried them all.
he doesn't believe me.

a two year contract.
a waiver to use any or all of it in any and all ways.

No, Thank You.

a camera sits between the seedy hotel beds. a light turned on. ready for that : shot.

i think i'm going to leave..

stay. tequila? haha, no...

no rush to leave. the room's already paid for. let's stay and talk. it's my day too...

No.

you seemed so confident. out of every one i thought you for sure would be down.
ha ha ha ha ha .

i'm just here exploring options. it's funny what some one will agree to when they don't have many options. but, yes, i am going to go.



GO



every where i go people smile and ask me why i'm alone. how can a girl as beautiful as you be single? every one asks.. i laugh. i don't know... because i am? i shrug. i never stay in one place very long and no one comes with me. so, i guess that's it, really. destiny. or, something..

it's a beautiful morning! misty. how are you?
i smile.
good.. quite a storm last night, i say, as i continue walking.

yeah...

he continues to watch me.
hello! how are you?

he watches me too.

how can i help you?
the teller asks.
female.

i smile at her.
twenty on twenty eight.
thanks.

these are my days. skating between these social interactions that all ways attempt to tie me to this place, this space, where i have no intention of being.

the clouds are gorgeous. the sky a blue expanse that i chase with my head. lights a long the way. water? i am de hy drat ed .

options. choices. end less. expansive.
do and be what ever you want is what they all ways told me.

simplicity.
what's that?
shallow~ness.
how do i find it?

depth. that's all i know. why am i a lone?
because no one comes with me.
steps, sure.
dips, yes.

but full exposure. long exposure? No.

alone
alone
a lone

i am the wolf and the dragon. the snake and the farmer. the animal and the stone.
animated and in animate.
fucked.

take me in pieces because i'm too big to swallow whole.
all ways i will be a lone.



truly, it's the only thing i've ever known.