...reflecting...

in just a couple of days it will have been four months since i left sacramento and, my oh my, i have changed so much as a person since then.

yes and no. it's funny ... people think i'm on this journey for me but, really, i'm out here subjecting myself to the insanity that is life to help humanity, actually. i knew there was a bigger picture i needed to see and i have travelled, up and down this great state, to make these connections and establish this footing. and, i have.. i have, definitely.

if anything, what i have witnessed is how much each of us is struggling. as we struggle to find ourselves. as we struggle to accept ourselves. as we struggle to accept the other that is our self. so much is related, all of it is related, and to change from that perspective of Me to that perspective of All Of Us is to change completely. and, this is the change I have been going through, for humanity.

because it's the change that needed to happen, really. and every day, every day i interact with people and remind them of these facts, simply. all of us are struggling. superfically and personally. in order to survive, in this present day and age, we need a lot of money. and we have sacrificed as we've strove to achieve these things materialistically. sacrificed our love. sacrificed our families.

who would we be if we woke up each morning without a schedule, without a place to go, without a person to be? what if, instead, you lived each moment completely. total presence. no deadline. no schedule. no pressure. it's a way that most of us have had a glimmer of that we now remember fondly. remember that vacation? remember those travels? remember that youth? i hear the stories as i move and i see the longing in the faces of those i meet to experience more of these things. but, work... but, family... but, responsibility... there is no time for it, not anymore, any way.

so, i am that reminder, that reminder of what matters the most really. having no possession, the grandness of a home stands out in my presence. having no family, the value of connection stands out in my independence. having nothing but me, right here, right now, reminds people that they are alive and they want to be happy.

and, it's hard, to live this simply. it's challenged me to be stronger than i knew i was, really. there is so much i don't know. there are so many chances i take, repeatedly. there is so much faith that i walk in that i have never known and i struggle to trust in. but i do it with the intention of loving and helping those around me even when they don't know how to handle me.

and i'm told i'm finding myself and maybe i am. but, also, i am finding you and we both thrive in this connection. and maybe i am crazy... i don't know. i have to trust myself when no one else does. i have to believe that i know what i'm doing even when it looks like i don't anymore. but, then, the universe, it unfolds... and i am given love and acceptance and safety when before there was none. so i have learned, through this reinforcement, that i am on the right path. and i continue forward.

so, truly, maybe i have made this commitment to restore faith in the craziness that is all of us. in this day and age of prescription pills and media manipulation, maybe i'm the reminder that, when we trust our self we can actually get some where. because, who we are, as we are, is beautiful. we know what we need. we know how we want to be. we just have to trust and commit to that being. and, when we do, magic happens, really. we find happiness. we find stability. maybe no superfically for these things can not be marked physically. instead we learn to stand in the midst of our emotion. we learn to embrace the chaos of our experiences. and, suddenly, we find a way to categorize it. to see a context that before made no sense to us. and, almost in an unforseeable moment, we are calm and collected and in the control we have always strove for.

at least, this is what i find, each day that i let go and trust my self. and, to do this, truly, i must also trust in the other. i must trust that you, over there, will see me correctly and accept me completely. so, fear fully i live, fear less ly, as me. and, in this exchange, in this commitment, i find you are just as scared as me. but, through my commitment, you trust me and live the same actually. and, suddenly, both of us are being. both of us are loving and accepting, effortlessly.

it's not easy. each moment i learn something. a weakness, a struggle, a fear i have to look past. but, each moment, it also becomes more and more effortless. it's the law of inertia and, baby, i be rolling!

so ~ thank you for all the friendship. and, apologies, if i push those buttons. but, i am steady, even when it doesn't look like it. especially when it doesn't look like it. and if we have fear, if we have worry, that's the time we have to look at our selves and wonder where it is we're heading. at least that's what i'm learning as i realize that you and i are but reflections of one another. truly, that is the blessing of humanity. we are conscious because we see each other. in our difference i see your similarity and the challenge to accept this is what helps me grow as a person. and, this is the struggle, with all of us. as we aim and as we strive and as we dive.

so, today, i bless all of us in this struggle that is life. i know we're winning because we're still alive. so, trust your self. go out there and do what it is you want to be doing. be open and forgiving and compassionate. towards others but, most importantly, toward yourself. for, everything you experience, it's a reflection of the other that is your self. remember that... remember that and you will know the world.



best to all of us as we realize our potential.





meagan ishtar