ser.mons

I think of this language I speak and I do not know how to define it, really. It is one I have spent my whole life mastering so it can, and will, accurately reflect the essence of me.

I think of all the things I have experienced. The life times that have passed, year after year, as I've abandoned security in pursuit of greater things. New Cities. New Surroundings. New Friends. New Family. The humdrum of a mundane experience is still unknown to me for I have never known stability.

For me, the pilar is Love. In every interaction. In every setting. It is my one and only consistency as it now is the only place I can operate from. Some call it God and explain it as the blessing of his holy spirit and, for a time, I agree that I believed that to be so. But now my vision extends far greater than that prose. Instead I see how I am God in every moment as I choose to walk in love. For if I chose instead to walk in hate I would be Satan. And, sadly, we already have too many of those.

I have no blame for that is just another extension of hate. Instead I deliberately choose my aim. What are my intentions? How will I behave? For, these things, they are the only things I have any control over. Every thing else is a reaction to something, as will be me, if I'm not consciously choosing. So, peacefully, I sit here or stand here, observing everything. Placement. Behavior. The presence of my self in comparison to the presence of other. I seek acceptance. I find understanding. And, above all, I exhibit compassion.

When I share this philosophy I am immediately warned about how this approach makes me vulnerable. But, I have travelled all over. I have slept in my car. I have had no money. And, I've also been where you are. I have experienced so many things and witnessed much more and never, never, have I had to run for a door. I have never been threatened seriously to a point where I know I was in trouble. Sure, there have been moments where I began to wonder.. but, honestly, those moments where the ones were I was needed the most.

It is a challenge to act with love in the face of hate and discrimination and the total lack and absence of love. So many nights I have laid crying as I could barely stand the build up caused from others being so short-sighted. There is more than just this moment. There has been all that has happened before and there will be all that is yet to come. This moment is actually very boring and unimportant when compared to all of those. But, this moment, it is every thing when you see it as the chance to practice your divinity. For, then, you will always grow.

Or, wither, depending on how your choice goes. For, if you are reactive, and allow hate and bitterness and anger to come forth, you are choosing to be Satan, and you will lose your self in that one. For, those cycles, they only perpetuate negativeness - this we all know. We have all done it. We have all been there. It is the only way any of us could ever know.

Which is why and how I have chosen to be different. Patience is my aim as I let the slow unfolding of each day delicately take place. Yes, I set intentions as I have my greater goals but now I focus more on being present so my life will smoothly flow. For it is when we are not present, when we are not consciously aware of both our thoughts and our actions, that we begin to lose the connection that makes this life worth living again.

Instead, we become disconnected from the truth that we are all brothers and sisters here to learn through our differences. I can only see my self through the interaction we share. I can only love my self if I allow my self to dare. Dare to love you for you are not me. In fact, you could be the opposite really. And the challenge is there. To love your brother that is not your brother. There is no challenge that will ever be greater. Only God can exist in a love that exists there.


And so I dare.
And so I dare.



Meagan Ishtar