...reflecting...

in just a couple of days it will have been four months since i left sacramento and, my oh my, i have changed so much as a person since then.

yes and no. it's funny ... people think i'm on this journey for me but, really, i'm out here subjecting myself to the insanity that is life to help humanity, actually. i knew there was a bigger picture i needed to see and i have travelled, up and down this great state, to make these connections and establish this footing. and, i have.. i have, definitely.

if anything, what i have witnessed is how much each of us is struggling. as we struggle to find ourselves. as we struggle to accept ourselves. as we struggle to accept the other that is our self. so much is related, all of it is related, and to change from that perspective of Me to that perspective of All Of Us is to change completely. and, this is the change I have been going through, for humanity.

because it's the change that needed to happen, really. and every day, every day i interact with people and remind them of these facts, simply. all of us are struggling. superfically and personally. in order to survive, in this present day and age, we need a lot of money. and we have sacrificed as we've strove to achieve these things materialistically. sacrificed our love. sacrificed our families.

who would we be if we woke up each morning without a schedule, without a place to go, without a person to be? what if, instead, you lived each moment completely. total presence. no deadline. no schedule. no pressure. it's a way that most of us have had a glimmer of that we now remember fondly. remember that vacation? remember those travels? remember that youth? i hear the stories as i move and i see the longing in the faces of those i meet to experience more of these things. but, work... but, family... but, responsibility... there is no time for it, not anymore, any way.

so, i am that reminder, that reminder of what matters the most really. having no possession, the grandness of a home stands out in my presence. having no family, the value of connection stands out in my independence. having nothing but me, right here, right now, reminds people that they are alive and they want to be happy.

and, it's hard, to live this simply. it's challenged me to be stronger than i knew i was, really. there is so much i don't know. there are so many chances i take, repeatedly. there is so much faith that i walk in that i have never known and i struggle to trust in. but i do it with the intention of loving and helping those around me even when they don't know how to handle me.

and i'm told i'm finding myself and maybe i am. but, also, i am finding you and we both thrive in this connection. and maybe i am crazy... i don't know. i have to trust myself when no one else does. i have to believe that i know what i'm doing even when it looks like i don't anymore. but, then, the universe, it unfolds... and i am given love and acceptance and safety when before there was none. so i have learned, through this reinforcement, that i am on the right path. and i continue forward.

so, truly, maybe i have made this commitment to restore faith in the craziness that is all of us. in this day and age of prescription pills and media manipulation, maybe i'm the reminder that, when we trust our self we can actually get some where. because, who we are, as we are, is beautiful. we know what we need. we know how we want to be. we just have to trust and commit to that being. and, when we do, magic happens, really. we find happiness. we find stability. maybe no superfically for these things can not be marked physically. instead we learn to stand in the midst of our emotion. we learn to embrace the chaos of our experiences. and, suddenly, we find a way to categorize it. to see a context that before made no sense to us. and, almost in an unforseeable moment, we are calm and collected and in the control we have always strove for.

at least, this is what i find, each day that i let go and trust my self. and, to do this, truly, i must also trust in the other. i must trust that you, over there, will see me correctly and accept me completely. so, fear fully i live, fear less ly, as me. and, in this exchange, in this commitment, i find you are just as scared as me. but, through my commitment, you trust me and live the same actually. and, suddenly, both of us are being. both of us are loving and accepting, effortlessly.

it's not easy. each moment i learn something. a weakness, a struggle, a fear i have to look past. but, each moment, it also becomes more and more effortless. it's the law of inertia and, baby, i be rolling!

so ~ thank you for all the friendship. and, apologies, if i push those buttons. but, i am steady, even when it doesn't look like it. especially when it doesn't look like it. and if we have fear, if we have worry, that's the time we have to look at our selves and wonder where it is we're heading. at least that's what i'm learning as i realize that you and i are but reflections of one another. truly, that is the blessing of humanity. we are conscious because we see each other. in our difference i see your similarity and the challenge to accept this is what helps me grow as a person. and, this is the struggle, with all of us. as we aim and as we strive and as we dive.

so, today, i bless all of us in this struggle that is life. i know we're winning because we're still alive. so, trust your self. go out there and do what it is you want to be doing. be open and forgiving and compassionate. towards others but, most importantly, toward yourself. for, everything you experience, it's a reflection of the other that is your self. remember that... remember that and you will know the world.



best to all of us as we realize our potential.





meagan ishtar

so this is the new year...

the first week of the new year has passed and i finally, only now, sit down to assess it. so much happened in two thousand and eleven ... we are so different now, because of it.

you and me ... the human race , actually . life is crazy. i can not believe all i have experienced in these last four months. it was this time in september that i left sacramento.

and i have learned so much since then, truly. as i've visted with so many people that are close to me. as i've wandered alone. as i've worked on this non-profit that, the more i work on, only seems to grow bigger for me. i am aiming to change the world, truly. i look forward to sharing it when i prove it completely.

but really, through all i have experienced, all i can say is that we are fortunate to have the love that we're surrounded with daily. as i have been alone, through holidays, through coldness, i gain a deeper appreciation for the times i have been surrounded by closeness. and there were so many of them. so much love i have been given in this lifetime, which is amazing to realize. once i used to be lost in the feeling of it's absence.

and, truly, that's the biggest difference. i feel like, through the sequence of many events, our hope in humanity is building again. we're slowly remembering what it is that life's about. what it is that we truly care about. family has taken on a new meaning with almost every one i know, actually. it's beautiful to witness and i am thankful for my ability to travel ~ for it allows me to just witness more of it.



as the financial world has crumbled i watch as every one faces their inevitable fragility. there comes a time, after accomplishing, that we must fumble and experience what it is to live in our defeat. and it is this experience that is most humbling. and, for me, that was twenty eleven, really.

and now it's twenty twelve. and i know who i am. and i am grateful. it was hard to be her. i had to stand up. i had to be proud. i had to realize that i was worthy of the love i now carry for myself.

and really, that's what the new year's
been all about.

so a cheer
to each of us.

may you see your beauty as well.



meagan ishtar

Christ Is Born

I fall asleep to the stars that shine above
these streets
north west
south east
it's all the same, really, when all you need is
a round you
all ready

this is the vision i have spent this year
developing
as i shed possession
of both material and relation

i wondered what would happen if i shed every thing and brought it all back down to the necessities
who would i become?
what would i see?

it only confirmed my beliefs
that we are vessels of energy
captured in the skin of our human existence

heaven
hell
mere conscious representations
of a material state
that, without the mind,
we would not see or define or under stand

god and satan
are a conscious decision
of who you could be
of who you have been

love
is the action
that defines the person
that creates the character
that perpetuates the difference

life
you have complete control of it
what you exude
that is what will come to you

bliss or hate
abundance or disgrace

the choice is yours to make

in humbleness i sleep each night
covered in blankets
as my breath
clouds

be fore me

i work, consciously, deliberately
on the creation of a new society
it is my only aim

life can be different
life will be different
if we dedicate our selves
to making it that way

every one i meet
is beautiful
really

so much to contribute
with their knowledge
with their smile
with their hope
with their determination
with their power

we are incredible creatures
creatures who have been told to sit down
to cover up
to not be our selves

power less
we believe
that we perpetuate
our own ambivalence, really.

two thousand and twelve
is the year to be different, finally.
the build up has happened
we have changed

let's go out
with a
bang




heart

Simplicity

Love is My Religion
And, I Mean That,
Most, Seriously.

I claimed that one a long time ago and then I strayed from it... As all must do before they can truly believe in and stand behind some thing. It's a process, this Faith Learning.. But, it's also a beautiful one, undoubtedly.

Love... It means so many things to so many people but when I refer to it I mean it most basically. And, for me.. that simply means UnConDiTionAlly. And, I mean that, truly. At this rate I expect every one I interact with to not understand me; To not see me; To not be able to give me any thing .. and so I expect No Thing. I commit to just standing there, being present, listening and offering help when / where I can. With a smile too, obviously. :) And, as I am present, openly, the most beautiful thing happens, naturally.. Connection. Pure and Simple. Two people, exchanging energy, without boundary or hesitation. It's beautiful, truly, and something I Honor, Especially.

So Here I Am. Being.
Beautifully.

It took me a long time to get here.
It takes a lot to be able to stand, for even just a second, surrounded by people, with absolutely no expectation.
It's so foreign that when I say this to people they don't believe me but, truly, it's the truth. Truly!

My needs are so few now
I could literally go any where and be okay
Definitely

For, I have found, that living this way
This Purely
the universe brings everything i need
easily and quickly

food and shelter
warmth
water
and, currently,
incredible scenery and amazing people

i couldn't ask for any thing more
really

i feel so grateful

the processes that took place
to get me here ..
i did it quickly
but it required a lot of shedding

a process that could easily take years

but, i didn't have it
Time
so i sped up the process and got
Here
as quickly as possible

My Belief now is that we are all Light Beings
as infants we were born
pure and full
abundant

but, life..
especially depending on our circumstance
obstructs this light and covers it with darkness

in truth i believe it is a protective process
like a tough skin
built
to keep the core
safe

but, depending on the life,
the roughness...
it can become too much

and this causes the variance
in our lives
in our emotions

thank goodness

but, of course, today
the extremes are too much

people laugh at me now
when I talk about it
but, it's true
I used to be a Bitch
I used to be Evil, too...

I know a lot
especially about people
and before, when I was hardened by My Experience of Survival,
I used it to my benefit
to manipulate and over ride people.

that was a long time ago..
because i didn't have the heart
to sustain that ego
but, i was there...
i did take advantage of people.

and, Now I Am Here.
the distance it took
to get me here
was great

each year
each experience
was a shedding
a process of slowly razor bladding that pain and distrust away

it was hard and incredibly difficult
it is no easy process
to skin one's self
but, it's necessary,
if you want to provide
the light and the love
that heals people.

and that was my point.
Love,
Unconditional Love..
I Needed it to be My Religion.

In my heart, I know that Acceptance is The Way..
I have all ways known it
and, I guess I could say that comes from living a life while no one understood it.

My past..
So much happened that when I try to summarize it I lose people within a few seconds of it.
Few can even comprehend it
And, really,
That's The Truth Of All Of It.

That's what I realized, when I first went to church, long long ago.
All of us has a story, a history, a life we are recovering from.
No One knows our entire story
And, never could.
All we have is this time, this present, this moment together from which we can move forward.
So, I meet people here.
And I accept all they have been.
And I accept all they are and will be because of where they are coming from.
And, I take care of me, so that I will be protected, should any thing happen to any body.
But, it doesn't, because, loving so openly, it creates opportunity and promotes respect and connectivity.
It is the basis for any stable environment.
It's the only way to move forward,
truly.

So, this holiday season,
this year that beckons the creation of all our resolutions..
Aim to be your self
One Hundred Per Cent Completely
And, Aim to Accept Every One Else,
As Equally The Same

And, Just Wait And See What Happens..
Kinda, Immediately, I'd Say...

It's a challenge I hope you'll take seriously!
Because, I promise,
It makes Every Difference

Totally and Completely

.




heart

Twenty Twelve

The fear is rampant which, to me, is astounding. For, if I have learned any thing this year, well, the last few years, it would be the Art of Survival. And, truly, I believe this is the skill that will be most needed in this coming year.

So many things are happening. At this rate, I think it's becoming hard for the pulses in energy and the force of the cycles to not be taken seriously. Finally, the main stream, are becoming aware of the effects. Maybe remedially, yes, but it definitely gives us the glimpses of sanity we once sought at. So, here we are, ready, for any thing.

And any thing it will be. That I can guarantee, completely. We forget it in these patterns that become our life so easily but, lately, these cages.. we've watched them fall away. The jobs, the marriages, the police state. So many things are chatoic we can't help but freak out a little because of it. No one knows what the fuck is going on and, really, that's the wake up call we've all been waiting on.

No one knows shit. Not really... Not when you think of it. It's this humbleness that makes us great and we are lost because we have not owned it. Instead we've focused on owning every thing else, all these materials and traits that are supposed to make us great but what do we have because of it? Loneliness. Isolation. A diseased and decaying Fate.
Not the pillars of a succeeding race..

The wake up call comes in understanding that in every moment we are learning, expanding. Any other experience is false and we become lost because of it. So, what now? .. Take Action. Assume Responsibility. Make Your Self Accountable For The Actions You Have and Have Not Committed. Every Thing is a Reflection. Of Your Self. Of Your Life. If you don't own it, No One will.. and you'll just keep floating in this abyss of your existence.

We Have Realized This.
This is Why We Are Here.
We are tired of waiting. We are tired of being unprepared.
We are tired of depending on others when we have needed to learn how to depend on our selves.

We are ready.
To join together.
As a race.
That is a Journey.
That is a life worth living.

Be strength.
Be greatness.
And you will have it.

It's as simple as that.

2012...
it's time to actualize that.


Best to All of Us!
Meagan Ishtar

ann iv er sar ies

Today is the three month anniversary of my being a Nomad and leaving Sacramento .. It is also the five month anniversary of when I first left Southern California and felt the absence of my heart as I drove from there. Every step, from that moment, until now, has been to bring me back here. And, truly, I couldn't be happier about the fact that life and circumstance allowed for it to happen as quickly as it did.

Of course, the gifts of the universe often come in their abundance of disguises, and many times throughout this journey I have been challenged and questioned in all the areas that matter the most to me. I have been pushed to endure and sacrifice but, every time I succeed by not giving in to attachment and, instead, practice the expression of gratitude, the rewards are endless. I have definitely gained more than I gave.

Really though, today is the actual anniversary of when my life really began to change. This last year the true quest has been to re:connect with my center ~ the core of who Meagan Ishtar is. Last year, and the years prior, were incredibly difficult for me. Of course I learned many lessons but what I was left with was a shell of who I'd once been. All that seemed to exist was my bitterness and depression. It was hard for me to connect with any one or any thing and, most of the time, I was just angry. I cried often and searched, desperately, for something to bring me out of where I'd been.

The steps were tiny and, in truth, I never could of guessed where they'd lead me. I walked in to a new health and wellness situation I'd never before considered, I ended my long term relationship, I gave away all of my possessions, I embraced and expanded my spirituality and creativity, and I opened up to the possibility of connecting again. I have met so many incredible people along the way ~ true Soul Family, guaranteed. Every day I revel in my blessings.

These last few months I've purposefully allowed my self to wander because I needed to. I have received so much concern from so many different people that I feel honored to be cared for so much but, really, this was all intended for me. I needed to test both my self and the universe in order to move forward and, I must say... I am blown away by all that I find. We humans are quite incredible creatures, able to do most any thing we put our mind to, no exaggeration. It's amazing and, also, a very humbling thing to experience. For, once we begin to realize the power we have, in every situation, we also simultaneously begin to witness how we usurp that power by so easily giving it to others when we really shouldn't any longer.
We also begin to notice the impact and influence of all that is around us, and, depending on the magnitude of it, this knowledge can drive us a little batty. It's almost like a bird waking up and realizing it's in a cage after it just dreamed of freedom. The desperation that follows can be suffocating and, if one doesn't take the action needed to change their situations pretty immediately, the stagnation can become threatening. It's a process that most of us have experienced before but I embraced it quite literally and committed to making every change necessary to have the life, the freedom, I knew I needed.

In speaking with people all up and down this beautiful state I've noticed that many are undergoing the same transitions even though the scenery may differ slightly. Truly this year has been about self~definition. About claiming who we are and what we want and need to get by in this life time. For, it is a sentence, this living ~ and we only have now to utilize it.
So, how do I want my day to be? I ask repeatedly. Every day, every moment, I transition with the experience that is happening. I have worked and focused on becoming one hundred percent present and the knowledge and awareness that comes from this type of living is astounding. The opportunity that presents it's self is more than rewarding. There are so many possibilities! Still it astounds me.


So, what next?

I am in Southern California.
I love it here.
Truly, for five months, in my heart I have still been here.
So, I am here, and I am 'going to make it happen'
as a friend once said to me.


I am excited.
As I said : so many possibilities!


Here's to twenty twelve being all we imagine it can be.



heart

No Mad :: Stat Us

It's been almost three months of this nomad living and, I must say, I've come to love it completely. Every day I am taken aback by the kindness of strangers.

Just last night I had a woman and her son come to my car, waking me, to check and see if I needed anything. Water? Food? Gas money? Was I warm enough? It'd been cold lately.
I laughed joyously, touched with her care and concern. I told her I was fine, just in an in-between spot, and I'd only be on her street a couple more days. The same thing happened the night before with her neighbor. But, this time, she returned. With four bags of food, water, and essentials like wet napkins / hand wipes .
All I could do was laugh and thank her repeatedly.


Every day is like Christmas.