bubbles

This world is a strange place, that's all I can say at this rate...

Two Thousand and Eleven was an intense year for all of us. I know, at least in my own life, I experienced more than probably the ten years prior. Especially in my emotional space. A lot of things, like habits, cycles and patterns, finally became clear to me and it was overwhelming to realize how much of the pain and confusion in my life was caused by my self. To realize such a thing takes a lot of responsibility to own up to but, if you ignore it, it stares you straight in the face. It's one of those do-or-die moments and it's an intense thing to experience, I'll say.

So here we are, humanity, cleaning up. I've noticed this shift on a wide scale over a significant age range. It's intense for all of us as we try to pick up the pieces of our material/external lives that got shattered through the process. It was just too much to hold it all together. It was no fault on any of us.

The question then is : who do we want to be in twenty thirteen? Because, truly, this is the time to prepare for that place, certainly. We forget in this day-to-day struggle that we need to be looking forward constantly. Sure, we can ask questions and do research and hypothesize scenarios and prepare endlessly BUT it's all too easy to get stuck in this phases of repetivity and you lose the momentum that continues you forward.

There comes a point where you just have to trust yourself. You have to commit to taking that step that will put you in a different direction. Because, honestly, anything is better than this. Because this IS, this HAPPENED, and to do it again is just saying you're okay with wasting your life. And, really, who's okay with doing that? No Body. And it's why we drink and we smoke and we pop pills and distract ourselves. No one's happy doing the same damn thing day after day after day. Not, at least, in any big way.

We are conscious beings and, with consciousness, comes creativity. By being able to witness simulataneous realities, and experience them, we are able to make connections that no one else would ever see. And, this connection comes simply through communicating. All of us are more intelligent than we've ever thought of or realized. If you took every thing you have learned from every moment of your life you couldn't help but be categorized as a genius in something. In fact in a lot of things. Trust Me.

And that's really why I'm out here doing this. I wanted to see what I could do if the only thing I had to rely on was me. Totally and truly. At first it was just a leap of faith in me and my ability but, surprisingly, it also became a proof of faith in humanity. The love and kindness and support I receive from others all ways astounds me. People are generous when they are in a place of peace and calm ~ when they are relaxed and being them selves. So, that's my aim, to create a reality that reflects a society that can claim that aspect of them selves.

So, twenty thirteen... I encourage creativity. I think everyone needs it a lot more than they ever thought to give it. Find some way, any way, to express your self. Get him and her out because, in truth, there is duality in all of us. The more we see that as we find other mediums to reflect our selves the more we will understand acceptance and compassion as we are challenged to understand our selves. Because that's what creativity really is. It's a language, a dialogue, between who you are and who you have been. And then, to view it, in the future, when you're someone else ... that gives you yet another perspective. And that's how it works with everything if you challenge yourself. The human mind is an incredible tool, truly the most incredible thing. Aim never to waste it and you can, quite literally, know everything.

At least that's my aim for twenty thirteen...
We shall see.




Meagan

envelopes

Politely I am told, by this officer, that I am not allowed to sleep in my car while parked
in a public setting.
And, really, I can't believe the absurdity
in that non-letting.

How many cars are parked on these streets,
taking up space,
not doing

anything?

I create no noise.
I leave no trash.

And, barely driving, I am not even polluting
The Planet

.

But, sleep...
with blankets and pillows
that no one would would know
unless they walked up to my window
and flashed down a light upon me
well, apparently, that is
il legal

and,
i need to leave
now

and
this is what America has come to...
as I violate humanity by utilizing this metal cage
that takes up no more space than a five by ten

shape.

But,
if I paid electricity,
if I paid water,
if I paid garbage and property tax and, really, for all that luggage...

I could skate by
unharassed

at four in the fucking morning.

And this,
this my friends..

This is Why I do This




Meagan Ishtar


4:20am
Friday
the 13th
of January
2012

...reflecting...

in just a couple of days it will have been four months since i left sacramento and, my oh my, i have changed so much as a person since then.

yes and no. it's funny ... people think i'm on this journey for me but, really, i'm out here subjecting myself to the insanity that is life to help humanity, actually. i knew there was a bigger picture i needed to see and i have travelled, up and down this great state, to make these connections and establish this footing. and, i have.. i have, definitely.

if anything, what i have witnessed is how much each of us is struggling. as we struggle to find ourselves. as we struggle to accept ourselves. as we struggle to accept the other that is our self. so much is related, all of it is related, and to change from that perspective of Me to that perspective of All Of Us is to change completely. and, this is the change I have been going through, for humanity.

because it's the change that needed to happen, really. and every day, every day i interact with people and remind them of these facts, simply. all of us are struggling. superfically and personally. in order to survive, in this present day and age, we need a lot of money. and we have sacrificed as we've strove to achieve these things materialistically. sacrificed our love. sacrificed our families.

who would we be if we woke up each morning without a schedule, without a place to go, without a person to be? what if, instead, you lived each moment completely. total presence. no deadline. no schedule. no pressure. it's a way that most of us have had a glimmer of that we now remember fondly. remember that vacation? remember those travels? remember that youth? i hear the stories as i move and i see the longing in the faces of those i meet to experience more of these things. but, work... but, family... but, responsibility... there is no time for it, not anymore, any way.

so, i am that reminder, that reminder of what matters the most really. having no possession, the grandness of a home stands out in my presence. having no family, the value of connection stands out in my independence. having nothing but me, right here, right now, reminds people that they are alive and they want to be happy.

and, it's hard, to live this simply. it's challenged me to be stronger than i knew i was, really. there is so much i don't know. there are so many chances i take, repeatedly. there is so much faith that i walk in that i have never known and i struggle to trust in. but i do it with the intention of loving and helping those around me even when they don't know how to handle me.

and i'm told i'm finding myself and maybe i am. but, also, i am finding you and we both thrive in this connection. and maybe i am crazy... i don't know. i have to trust myself when no one else does. i have to believe that i know what i'm doing even when it looks like i don't anymore. but, then, the universe, it unfolds... and i am given love and acceptance and safety when before there was none. so i have learned, through this reinforcement, that i am on the right path. and i continue forward.

so, truly, maybe i have made this commitment to restore faith in the craziness that is all of us. in this day and age of prescription pills and media manipulation, maybe i'm the reminder that, when we trust our self we can actually get some where. because, who we are, as we are, is beautiful. we know what we need. we know how we want to be. we just have to trust and commit to that being. and, when we do, magic happens, really. we find happiness. we find stability. maybe no superfically for these things can not be marked physically. instead we learn to stand in the midst of our emotion. we learn to embrace the chaos of our experiences. and, suddenly, we find a way to categorize it. to see a context that before made no sense to us. and, almost in an unforseeable moment, we are calm and collected and in the control we have always strove for.

at least, this is what i find, each day that i let go and trust my self. and, to do this, truly, i must also trust in the other. i must trust that you, over there, will see me correctly and accept me completely. so, fear fully i live, fear less ly, as me. and, in this exchange, in this commitment, i find you are just as scared as me. but, through my commitment, you trust me and live the same actually. and, suddenly, both of us are being. both of us are loving and accepting, effortlessly.

it's not easy. each moment i learn something. a weakness, a struggle, a fear i have to look past. but, each moment, it also becomes more and more effortless. it's the law of inertia and, baby, i be rolling!

so ~ thank you for all the friendship. and, apologies, if i push those buttons. but, i am steady, even when it doesn't look like it. especially when it doesn't look like it. and if we have fear, if we have worry, that's the time we have to look at our selves and wonder where it is we're heading. at least that's what i'm learning as i realize that you and i are but reflections of one another. truly, that is the blessing of humanity. we are conscious because we see each other. in our difference i see your similarity and the challenge to accept this is what helps me grow as a person. and, this is the struggle, with all of us. as we aim and as we strive and as we dive.

so, today, i bless all of us in this struggle that is life. i know we're winning because we're still alive. so, trust your self. go out there and do what it is you want to be doing. be open and forgiving and compassionate. towards others but, most importantly, toward yourself. for, everything you experience, it's a reflection of the other that is your self. remember that... remember that and you will know the world.



best to all of us as we realize our potential.





meagan ishtar

so this is the new year...

the first week of the new year has passed and i finally, only now, sit down to assess it. so much happened in two thousand and eleven ... we are so different now, because of it.

you and me ... the human race , actually . life is crazy. i can not believe all i have experienced in these last four months. it was this time in september that i left sacramento.

and i have learned so much since then, truly. as i've visted with so many people that are close to me. as i've wandered alone. as i've worked on this non-profit that, the more i work on, only seems to grow bigger for me. i am aiming to change the world, truly. i look forward to sharing it when i prove it completely.

but really, through all i have experienced, all i can say is that we are fortunate to have the love that we're surrounded with daily. as i have been alone, through holidays, through coldness, i gain a deeper appreciation for the times i have been surrounded by closeness. and there were so many of them. so much love i have been given in this lifetime, which is amazing to realize. once i used to be lost in the feeling of it's absence.

and, truly, that's the biggest difference. i feel like, through the sequence of many events, our hope in humanity is building again. we're slowly remembering what it is that life's about. what it is that we truly care about. family has taken on a new meaning with almost every one i know, actually. it's beautiful to witness and i am thankful for my ability to travel ~ for it allows me to just witness more of it.



as the financial world has crumbled i watch as every one faces their inevitable fragility. there comes a time, after accomplishing, that we must fumble and experience what it is to live in our defeat. and it is this experience that is most humbling. and, for me, that was twenty eleven, really.

and now it's twenty twelve. and i know who i am. and i am grateful. it was hard to be her. i had to stand up. i had to be proud. i had to realize that i was worthy of the love i now carry for myself.

and really, that's what the new year's
been all about.

so a cheer
to each of us.

may you see your beauty as well.



meagan ishtar