Me.

I think about the few, the small hand ful of people that actually know Me, and I am thank ful. Life is such a quick progression, truly, it passes with the swiftest momentum, that, in truth, it would be impossible to know all the details even if I tried to give them.

Also, in truth, so much happens every day that I could never tell you all the details, all the decisions, all the facts that are representative of all that I Am. Only time, the slow movement of the hour hand, could show you Who I Am if we Spent Them : together.

It is this way for every one every where and, as we grow older, it makes sense that isolation and depression begin to build those stairs. Those stairs we stare at when we're too exhausted to go anywhere. Those stairs that mark our journey as one of individuality and independence, everywhere. It can be exhausting, especially if we have not been equipped with an abundance of love and kindness in our Younger Years. These things, they are our sustenance in our older years as we wander a lone, realizing our purpose and finding a way to execute the course that encourages our progression. It is a lonely and trying existence as we ask these questions and seek these answers. But, we all go through it. It is the human experience. So, in our aloneness, we are The Same.

Due to circumstance, I began this journey long before any of my peers. I date and hang out with people that precede me by twenty years. For all of my youth I could not relate to those who were defined by the same age as I. So, I spoke, on the page, and silence rang in most ears. The perfect Confidante, I Listened, and People Loved It. For, I had already been there, for so many years.., I now understood all of it.

Through reflection and education I gained the knowledge that has encouraged my progression to : Here. A place where I aim to be nothing but love and acceptance ~ to every one every where. For, just as you can not know all I have been through, all I have experienced, I too can not know you and all that makes and takes and keeps you through these years. I can aim to and I will in every chance I am granted but, between them, I will aim to only give you Love and Acceptance. For, if I knew every detail, I would understand your decisions. If I knew all your story, I would comprehend all your actions. Just as you would me with that same information.

And, in truth, that is why I share what I do, publicly, with friends. My aim is to remind you of the emotion and complexion that defines human expansion.

There is more than meets the eye in every situation, as is true with Who and How I Am.

Each of us is a story that waits and yearns to be read. For, only through the sharing of our individual struggle, can we grow and understand that Love is the Objective.

Love is the Objective through All of It.

Meagan

limbo

I think of America and it's fore fathers. So many, our ancestors, came here specifically for the pursuit of their freedom and happiness. Penniless, with little more than hope, for most of them. Abandoning the security of family and possession, they wandered, across the expanse of that ocean.

We are here because they survived those situations that left many starving, sickly and / or under constant repression. We are here because of their courage and faith which they found a way to maintain with persistance.

It is not easy to remain strong in the face of adversity, how ever that adversity may come. It is the trial of this living that, if we hope to survive, we must find a way to over come. And that is the lesson ~ the lesson of this living I suppose.

I remain in my home state but, at the same time, I relate. I landed in Southern California on my car's last leg. It sits now, in a drive way, waiting for a possible resuscitate.

I have gone weeks with no money and have had to depend on my own resourcefulness to find a way to move forward. I have had to reach out to strangers in hope that they would have kindness in their heart and help me with simple things, like food and shelter and clothing. I have not known where I was or, really, who I was with, but I have continued to walk forward believing that I will be provided for despite the reality that exists.

I have never known faith like this. All Ways I provided for my self and, often, my partner. I have never accepted the help of a stranger ~ not ever like this. But I believe I was meant to be here ~ experiencing life like this.

It has been hard ~ especially after some specific situations. I have experienced what I would consider total and complete abandonment when I felt the most vulnerable and sick. I have been alone, lost in the abyss of the desert of man's existence. Scared. Weak. Full of doubt and endless question.

So many nights I have cried in the darkness. Detached from humanity as I froze in my car. For a nation that once welcomed the survivor I can not help but wonder when and how we became so mis guided.

There are systems in place but they are corrupted. The genuiness of humanity has some how become covered. I struggle with this. Every day I struggle with this as I have all ways felt it was my purpose in life to change this.

I needed to see it ~ the reality as it truly was. For, in truth, without that vision I could never move forward. It has been hard to witness, first hand, the dismay of deterioration of this once great nation.

Through the struggle, through the progression past fear and the most hurt ful of betrayals, I found a way. A way to : Here. Here being faith; Faith that, no matter what, there is a way and I will find it.

Life is the slow unfolding of our purpose which, at times, may be cloudy and unfocused. But that's Okay. No one all ways knows the way. We learn most through the times we are lost and we grow most through the exchange we have when we must depend on another. Without other people we would have and be nothing.

It's easy to think differently in this culture that now pushes and promotes independence and individuality. But, without the love that exists when we help one another, we would amount to nothing. Who would be here if they were never helped by somebody? No body. No body.

So, I give; So, I accept. It is a blessing to be a part of this continual exchange that promotes health and progress. If no one cared, if no one dared, all of us, at one point or another, would be lost some where.



Thank You to All who have been There,

Meagan Ishtar

ser.mons

I think of this language I speak and I do not know how to define it, really. It is one I have spent my whole life mastering so it can, and will, accurately reflect the essence of me.

I think of all the things I have experienced. The life times that have passed, year after year, as I've abandoned security in pursuit of greater things. New Cities. New Surroundings. New Friends. New Family. The humdrum of a mundane experience is still unknown to me for I have never known stability.

For me, the pilar is Love. In every interaction. In every setting. It is my one and only consistency as it now is the only place I can operate from. Some call it God and explain it as the blessing of his holy spirit and, for a time, I agree that I believed that to be so. But now my vision extends far greater than that prose. Instead I see how I am God in every moment as I choose to walk in love. For if I chose instead to walk in hate I would be Satan. And, sadly, we already have too many of those.

I have no blame for that is just another extension of hate. Instead I deliberately choose my aim. What are my intentions? How will I behave? For, these things, they are the only things I have any control over. Every thing else is a reaction to something, as will be me, if I'm not consciously choosing. So, peacefully, I sit here or stand here, observing everything. Placement. Behavior. The presence of my self in comparison to the presence of other. I seek acceptance. I find understanding. And, above all, I exhibit compassion.

When I share this philosophy I am immediately warned about how this approach makes me vulnerable. But, I have travelled all over. I have slept in my car. I have had no money. And, I've also been where you are. I have experienced so many things and witnessed much more and never, never, have I had to run for a door. I have never been threatened seriously to a point where I know I was in trouble. Sure, there have been moments where I began to wonder.. but, honestly, those moments where the ones were I was needed the most.

It is a challenge to act with love in the face of hate and discrimination and the total lack and absence of love. So many nights I have laid crying as I could barely stand the build up caused from others being so short-sighted. There is more than just this moment. There has been all that has happened before and there will be all that is yet to come. This moment is actually very boring and unimportant when compared to all of those. But, this moment, it is every thing when you see it as the chance to practice your divinity. For, then, you will always grow.

Or, wither, depending on how your choice goes. For, if you are reactive, and allow hate and bitterness and anger to come forth, you are choosing to be Satan, and you will lose your self in that one. For, those cycles, they only perpetuate negativeness - this we all know. We have all done it. We have all been there. It is the only way any of us could ever know.

Which is why and how I have chosen to be different. Patience is my aim as I let the slow unfolding of each day delicately take place. Yes, I set intentions as I have my greater goals but now I focus more on being present so my life will smoothly flow. For it is when we are not present, when we are not consciously aware of both our thoughts and our actions, that we begin to lose the connection that makes this life worth living again.

Instead, we become disconnected from the truth that we are all brothers and sisters here to learn through our differences. I can only see my self through the interaction we share. I can only love my self if I allow my self to dare. Dare to love you for you are not me. In fact, you could be the opposite really. And the challenge is there. To love your brother that is not your brother. There is no challenge that will ever be greater. Only God can exist in a love that exists there.


And so I dare.
And so I dare.



Meagan Ishtar

Public Service Announcement

Twelve months have passed with the focus being one hundred percent on my own personal objectives. And, the spaces this journey has kept... well, I never could've guessed it. I have been so many places. I have met so many people. I have experienced so many things. It is amazing. I can not help but be endlessly happy.

Thank you to everyone who has travelled with me. Some of you I have been fortunate enough to see. Others, we have corresponded randomly. All of you I think of periodically. Not a day passes without the thought of most of you. Usually it is short and sweet as, in a day, I do so many things. But I love all of you and thank you for being here with me.

Few of you know what I am actually doing. How I wonder what the rest of you think! Haha, it matters not. Really. But it's fun to ponder these things.

In truth, my relationship ended last January because I made a fundamental change in my beliefs. I decided that I wanted to do and give.. every thing. I was so happy working with the public, improving their health, motivating and befriending them easily. In reality, it was my dream, and I gave up everything to pursue it. Literally. And, I fell flat on my face. A total disgrace. Repeatedly. It's been a humbling process as I learn these lessons of patience, indeed.

So I am here, still, working. Far from where I started with absolutely nothing. I sit now in a well-furnished and pleasant room. Full of pinks and frills. The little girl's room I never had, I suppose. In the closet, hung up, my one bag of clothes. My blanket on the bed. Full of beauty and prose. So simple, this life I now lead. I have everything because I need nothing.

I am here for you. I am here because, a year ago, I decided to live my life as a public servant. I let go of my concept of partner, and family, and looked to a greater embrace : the world. And, that is my vision, to this very moment. It is a grand one, but, my loves.. It Flows.

It started as the vision of a non-profit that is still in the throws. But, it will start out slow and will include a lot more. Like a series of books, the first of which is almost done. The Story of Self, they will be called, and it's a three parter. Each one split into two sections, the first of which is an AutoBiographical Lesson. Followed by poetry that support the lessons learned.. It's come along nice. I plan to publish and market my self. Already know how. But, it's a long and costly process, so I'll be taking donations. ;) If you're interested in reading send me an email!

But, that's down the road... In the mean time I'm in Southern California, Encinitas, living with and caring for an Artist (painter) who is experiencing the onset of Alzheimer's. It's an interesting life that I manifested long ago. It's a 'disease' I've been meaning to observe and diagnose. After travelling as a Wellness Life Coach it's giving me an interesting perspective that I love. It will be an intriguing next few months.

I am aiming to change the world one person at a time. Restructure business and the local economy. My ultimate aim is to enter a city with a well organized and large team and do a complete overhaul, leaving it 100% sustainable with absolutely no waste. So many factors have to synchronize for this to take place!

But, I'm on it. I believe that the only way to harness true freedom is to live as ourselves. Totally and truly. And, to do this, we must be able to support ourselves. How many factors in our own lives do we control? Not many, if any, at all. Health being the first and fore most. So many of us lie victim to the toxins that are used in our food. That's plain and simple. Whether it pesticides or preservatives, it's killing us from the inside out. And, when you take fruits and vegetables in to account.. the items that should be the staple of every healthy diet... well, there would be shame, no doubt. And we suffer from it on every level whether we buy it or leave it on the shelf. From our hair to our skin, from our cough to our grins, every thing is affected from the food we put in our mouths. It is the fuel that sustains us, No Doubt. So, this is my center. I am working to create a business called "Edible Landscapes" and it will create just that. Both residentially and commercially with the aim to recreate the concept of the Garden of Eden - so we can finally, properly, feed ourselves. And, with this accessibility, as well as the use / implementation of all other agriculture necessities, things will really start changing quite quickly. Like my other business, where I plan to help those facing forclosure by converting their home into a sustainable hostel. And then, the nonprofit, which will back and push forward all those. There's a lot going on behind these closed doors... don't be surprised, yo.

I'm also planning on getting my Real Estate license, to fund it all. As these projects will take some lump sums of money. And, the beauty of it is, I've managed to find ways to support my self without having to make money. So I can turn around and invest it all. Truly, I chose to give everything up so I could, in return, give my all. It is a blessing to be a part of All.

Once all systems are in place I plan to market the books and the poetry. A core part of this whole concept is Artisanry. Of all types. Craftsmanship is the only way in a true local economy. Which is the direction we need to turn if we hope to change anything.

Every election I say the same thing. These candidates, they are puppets, really. To represent our ideals and play in a race. It's honorable but, to our hopes and our dreams, a disgrace. For only we can make them real. The purpose of government is to preserve our freedom as an individual, and that is all. They can not give us health. They can not determine our economy. They can not provide the wealth. That is up for us to find and define as we live as our selves. And, until we do that, the failure is Our Selves. "The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars..."

So, I've changed that by commiting to a life of servitude. The generosity I receive and the deep relationships I experience as they are based in true love are beyond what I ever could have hoped for. I am blessed in every moment and am all ways grateful. I encourage you to try a life lived this way. It is beyond event full.

May you enjoy this leap year. In Druidic custom leap day, February 29th, was celebrated extravagently. They called it, "the day outside of time," and every member of society would live that day exhibiting a part of themselves that had never before been realized. A part that ran deep to their core but through life and circumstance had never had the chance to come out and be nurtured. It was a day of festivity, celebration and acceptance as each person experimented with who they could be in a different world.

This month I challenge you to consider who you might be if you were your self. And, on the 29th, who knows..


May be this next election we'll each elect our self.





Meagan Ishtar